Extreme Couponing – Savvy Shoppers or OCD?

“Extreme Couponing”, which premiered on TLC, chronicles the efforts and so-called “triumphs” of ordinary shoppers on a mission to save money on their grocery bills through the use of coupons – lots of coupons. This show brought up a lot of questions as to the real motives of these so-called “couponers”. Grammar aside (couponers? Ok, not a real word. Moving on.) it made me wonder if these people are really just savvy shoppers or obsessive/compulsive food hoarders. They appear, on the surface, to be saving lots of money on their grocery bill. One woman took home “$600 worth of groceries” for only $6.00. But, what did she buy? Is she really buying the items her family needs and wants or is she, as my friend Kara Dulac-Shields put it, “fixating unhealthily on acquisition”?

Indeed, one of the families profiled on the show purchased and stored no less than 48 bags of chips. Potato chips and similar products will get stale, even if they’re not opened. What will the family really do with 48 bags of chips? Similarly, another shopper purchased 56 containers of yogurt! I’m not a yogurt eater but I have to believe those things expire within a certain amount of time. Is extreme couponing smart or just wasteful?

Then there’s the issue of healthy eating. Most products that can be bought with a coupon are overwhelmingly boxed, heavily processed foods. Seldom seen are coupons for fresh produce, eggs, milk and other fresh, healthy choices. Couponers don’t seem to mind, though, since they can’t stockpile those items, anyway. The attraction seems to be the ability to stockpile large stores of foodstuffs. All of the families profiled on the show have huge rooms in their homes, dedicated to storage of their “finds”. Rows and rows of shelves, filled with canned goods, chips, pudding and pasta, all lovingly arranged in an exceedingly neat fashion. – obsessively – compulsively neat. Indeed, one extreme couponer, after leaving the store with her treasures, commented, “Now it’s time to take it all home, put it away and sit back and look at my stock.” She seemed very excited at the prospect of seeing these items in her pantry, almost as if it were “grocery porn”.

I can certainly understand the thriftiness of stockpiling paper products, such as paper towels, toilet paper and the like. These things do not spoil and can be used for an unlimited amount of time. However, most of the items these people purchased could not possibly be used up by the time they reach their expiration dates. But do they really care about that? If the goal is simply to stockpile – but never consume – does it really matter what the expiration date is? The unopened food becomes, simply, decoration for their enjoyment, similar to a painting or other decor items. Wouldn’t it be nice if “couponers” could be paired with food pantries, donating their items to those who really need – and will use – the items?

We also must address the issue of cost vs. value. “Extreme couponers” (I hate that word, did I mention that?), if the show is to be believed, violate the manufacturers rules on their coupons that limit them to “one per household” or “one per purchase” by redeeming multiple copies of the same coupons in one shopping trip. They accomplish this by splitting their grocery order into several separate orders in order to “trick” the store’s computer system into believing that these purchases are made by separate shoppers and to circumvent these rules. What effect does this practice have on the price of these products for those of us who don’t use coupons? Are we, in effect paying for their “habit”? In addition, how do they acquire multiple copies of these coupons? Are they purchasing (or, more likely, stealing) multiple copies of the Sunday paper from newspaper racks, thus raising the price of the paper for the rest of us? What of the printable coupons available online? Shouldn’t the cost of paper, ink and internet bandwidth be figured into the shopper’s savings equation? All questions the show neither addresses, nor answers.

The Extreme Couponing show inevitably leads to comparisons to the show “Hoarders”, which similarly chronicles the plight of those who are obsessed with collecting “things”, to the point of not being able to even walk through their homes. Rooms are filled to the rafters with things most of us would call “trash”. But hoarders see them as treasures and have a difficult time parting with them. Some psychologists say this behavior stems from some loss in the life of the person, which makes them want to “keep” everything. “Hoarders” begins with images of what used to be a home, now turned into a garbage dump. Relatives cry and lament the plight of their loved one. It ends with the hoarder, through tears and angst, being forced to clean up their act and part with their beloved treasures.

Food hoarding is another form of this “disorder”, but we, as a society seem to abhor the hoarder (Look what a MESS her house is!”) while simultaneously cheering on the “Couponer” (Look how much MONEY she saved!”) In reality, (no pun intended) there is no difference between the two. TLC can’t really be faulted for shining a commercialized light on these disorders, despite the fact that they seem to put a positive “spin” on couponing while condemning hoarders. TV networks only show what we, the audience, watch. What is wrong with us, as people, when we find mental illness entertaining? Charlie Sheen’s recent public meltdown is another shining example of this.

The TV networks, with their unrelenting “spin”, lead us to believe their characterizations of these illnesses and we follow along like sheep. It’s one thing to trumpet, “She got $600 worth of groceries for $6.00!” but, did she really just save $594…or did she just waste $6.00? Watching with an open mind while doing your own research on these topics reveals much more than these networks want to show. They are, after all, making entertainment programs, not documentaries. I urge you to watch these programs and others like them, with an open mind. Do your own research and form your own opinions, instead of just accepting the “spin”.

Do you “know” Asperger’s when you see it?

I am standing in line waiting to pick up an order at Pizza Hut. Suddenly, I feel someone’s hand on my back. Someone is rubbing my back. I look around to see a little boy, around 7 to 9 years old, simply standing there softly rubbing my back through my jacket. He smiles at me. I smile back at him and say hello. How are you? Are you waiting for pizza? We have a nice conversation as we both wait for our pizza. Meantime, the little boy’s mother is standing next to him. The little boy and I continue to discuss what kind of pizza he’s getting and why does it take so long, and look at all the pans the pizza man has! Suddenly, the little boy starts to rifle his fingers through my purse, which is hanging from my shoulder. His mother says, “Get out of her purse!”, but she does not explain to him about inappropriate behaviors and how it’s not nice to go through someone else’s things. I shift slightly so my purse swings out of the little boys reach. I again start to engage him in conversation, to take his mind off my purse, just as the pizza man brings my order. Pizza man puts the pizza box on the counter. The little boy feels the box with his hand. “Warm, isn’t it?” I say as I place my hand on the box next to his. He nods and moves his hand to cover mine. He squeezes my hand. I say to him, “I’m ready to go now. It was very nice meeting you.” He waves at me. Mother says, “Tell the lady goodbye.” He does and I walk out with my pizza. On the way to my car, my heart begins to ache. Not for this little boy nor this particular encounter. I ache because I knew. As soon as I saw this little boy, I knew he was autistic, probably aspie, like my Branden. I knew because I have spent the last 14 years parenting an autistic child. But what will happen the next time the little boy decides to rub some nice lady’s back in a restaurant or check out what’s in her purse? Inappropriate behaviors, for sure, but normal for an aspie. In the time we were standing there, waiting for our pizza, the little boy’s mom never – not once – let her little boy know what is and is not appropriate behavior. She missed a lot of chances but let them all go by… I ache for him and for all the other autistic children who haven’t been taught (because they can learn appropriate behaviors, if someone will just teach them) who will one day encounter someone who doesn’t understand. Someone who doesn’t “know”.

Save Planned Parenthood

There was a time in my life, when I was a divorced, single mom, just trying to make ends meet and raise two children, without the benefit of child support nor welfare. I had a job but no insurance. At the same time, I was occasionally sexually active. At least as much as a single, working mom of two children can be sexually active. At any rate, some method of birth control was in order. My gynecologist referred me to my local Planned Parenthood clinic for my birth control pills. As I recall, they were less than $10 a month. This was a welcome savings, given my other expenses and made birth control affordable and accessible to me. They also provided inexpensive pap smears and vaginal exams as well as general medical care, all at a very affordable cost to me, subsidized by the federal government. However, that is all going to go away if the Pence Amendment to H.R. 1 passes.

On February 18, 2011, the U.S. House of Representatives voted to discontinue all federal funding to Planned Parenthood for birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other lifesaving care. The senate will soon consider this amendment. I can’t even fathom the far-reaching consequences of the decision to bar Planned Parenthood from federal funding. Teens will no longer be able to receive birth control information, low-income women will no longer have access to safe, affordable health care, HIV and STD testing and the list goes on and on.

I urge you to “Stand with Planned Parenthood” along with me. Go to PlannedParenthoodAction.org, find out how your rep voted and add your voice – your story – to let them know that Planned Parenthood is important and needs to be saved.

Snopes Is Your Friend – A Public Service Message

1. When you see a post on Facebook that says, “Microsoft has verified this!” or “It was on the news last night!!”, or something similar, that should be your first clue that the post you’re reading is crap. People add this line to lend credibility to what they’re passing on – to make it more believable. Don’t repost it. Why do people post things that aren’t true and then implore you to repost it? Ego. Plain and simple. They want to see how many people can be duped into believing their crap and reposting it – over and over and over. It makes them feel more intelligent than you. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

2. Before reposting anything – ANYTHING – on Facebook or forwarding an email, please take the time to go to Snopes.com and check it out. Snopes is a very helpful website that checks out all those internet rumors and reports on whether they are True or False. Here’s the link: http://www.snopes.com/. Go there now. Bookmark it. Use it often. Here’s how to look something up on Snopes:

a) Go to the website at http://www.snopes.com/. Open it in a separate window or tab so you still have access to Facebook and the original post you were about to repost.

b) On Snopes, you’ll see a search box at the top of the page. Now, switch back to your Facebook tab and pick a phrase from the original posting, just a few words will do, and copy them with your mouse. Try to pick a phrase that is non-generic. Pick a phrase that is the main subject of the post. Don’t pick “and send it to” or something like that. Pick the main subject of the post and copy it. Just highlight and hit CNTRL – C on your keyboard or right click and choose copy.

c) Now, go back to your Snopes tab and paste that phrase into the search box. You can paste by hitting CNTRL-V on your keyboard or right click in the search box and choose Paste.

d) Once the phrase is copied into the search box, click the GO button to the right.

e) This will bring up a list of all the stuff Snopes has that seem to match the keyword phrase you’ve typed in. You might have to search through the list a little to find the exact post you’re looking for. Once you’ve found it in the list, click the title and it will take you to a page all about that particular post.

f) At the very top of the article, you will see, in great big letters, either TRUE or FALSE. Read the article.

g) If it’s false, don’t repost it. If it’s true, then have at it. As a public service to your Facebook friends, you might want to include a statement to the effect, “I’ve checked this out on Snopes. Here’s the link”, then give the link to the Snopes page. (Caution: See note below!)

Just a note about that “I’ve checked this out on Snopes”, statement. Many spammers have gotten wise to Snopes and include this into their crap posts to lend the aformentioned credibility to their crap. So if you see this, it doesn’t mean you can just copy and repost. People lie. YOU still need to go to Snopes and check it out for yourself.

Thank You.

Site Review: More.com

Billed as a website (and a magazine) “for women of style and substance”, More.com is another of my favorite internet destinations. While More’s community section pales in comparison to Vibrant Nation(admittedly, it would be difficult to match VN’s extremely user friendly atmosphere), their writing and articles do hit the mark when it comes to celebrating the 40+ woman.

I am particularly enjoying the section entitled “Reinvent Yourself”, highlighting stories of women who’ve done just that. One I’ve found particularly inspiring is “From Pilot to Animal Rescuer“, the story of Juliette Watt. “Most people don’t listen to their inner voice, but if you do, everything works out,” she says. This has been my mantra for as long as I can remember, so I identify strongly with Ms. Watt.

Jam packed with interesting content, More.com also includes sections on fashion, beauty, health, sex & love, money & careers and the aforementioned community section, which I found a bit disappointing. It is, primarily a magazine site, however and the abundance of great content more than makes up for this shortcoming. Overall, it’s a very interesting read.

CBS News: Unemployment – The 99ers

As you’re watching this very interesting report from CBS News, please notice how many of these folks are over 40.

Discrimination Condoned

With the untimely demise of my unemployment benefits, I am suddenly faced with the realization that my work life may, indeed, be over. Searching for a job for the past two years has produced very few calls and/or interviews. Oh, I have read ALL the advice of the so-called job search experts.

“Camouflage your age on your resume!”, they say. Don’t let on that you are in your fifties, by lopping off the first 15 years of experience. “Dress younger!”, “Dye your hair!”, “Wear contacts, not glasses!”. I’ve heard (and tried) it all. Frankly, all this “advice” is really starting to irritate me.

Imagine, if you will, an African American woman being told to straighten her hair, speak with a different accent and ::shudders:: lighten her skin, in order to find a job! Of course not! That would be playing right into the hands of those with the lowest mentality who would deny her a job, based on the color of her skin.

Age discrimination is no less heinous (and no less ILLEGAL) than racial, gender or any other kind of discrimination, yet it is TOLERATED, even condoned in the workplace. We are expected to “pretend” that we do not belong to this class of people, about whom so many ill conceived and incorrect notions are perceived.

Another one of my favorites is the one that goes, “Stay up to date with “new” technologies!” Show that you can embrace these “new” technologies and that you are not afraid to learn “new” things and, or so they say, you will get hired. First of all, simply the use of the word “new” tells us that these so-called experts believe that these technologies are “new” to US! That we have no knowledge of or proficiency in the use of this new thing called “com-pu-ters”.Most of us in the 40-60 age range invented this “new” technology and some of us have actually followed along with its development! Shocking, I know. Steve Jobs of Apple Computers was born in…1955. Just like me.

The challenge seems not to be GIVING them the impression we’re not current. It’s a belief that is already present from the moment we first enter the interview room. So our challenge is an uphill battle from the start. The question is, how do we DISPEL this notion, in the limited time available in an interview? Outside of wearing my ThinkGeek.com t-shirt, I am at a loss.

It seems to me that potential employers see us as we see our own elders. That 50 is the new 80. I truly believe that, when I am sitting across the table from an interviewer, he is seeing his Mom, who calls his cell phone nightly to ask how to cut and paste. And technology is not the only area in which we are discriminated against. “Resistant to change”, “inflexible”, “lethargic” are terms they use to describe us. US – the Woodstock generation who brought them free love and marijuana! Yes, you’re welcome! This is the thanks we get? Once we were considered individualistic, at all costs. Now we are all lumped into one, big undesirable category.

When did 50 become “elderly”? My Mother does not know anything about computers. She also does not want to learn. (Believe me, I have tried!) SHE is resistant to change, inflexible and yes, lethargic. But she is EIGHTY. Facebook is full of people our age. Likewise Twitter, MySpace and any number of other online communities. I, myself, spent five years working as a tech support rep for a software company. That is the job I got laid off from two years ago. Job counselors tell me that, because of my previous experience, I should take classes to become a network admin. But I know that no company will hire a 55 year old woman as a network admin. Not while there is a greasy haired, dirty t-shirt wearing, college kid waiting in the wings. That may sound harsh but I have seen it. Heck, I live it. Nevertheless, I am taking their advice and am in the middle of a certificate program for IT Technician. I have already completed Microsoft Office Specialist certification and will soon be A+ and Network+ certified, as well. I am attempting to show, on my resume, that I am, indeed, “open to new technology”. Will it help? I doubt it, but we’ll see…

I think there are probably other issues, also, that we don’t even consider. Like, what will the interviewer’s peers and managers say if he hires ME as their network admin? Will he be ridiculed, chastised for making such an unlikely choice? For stepping outside the boundaries of what’s expected of him? Will his skills as a manager be called into question? I am an “unsafe” choice for him to make, regardless of my training, experience or credentials.

I don’t know what the answer is. Perhaps it is for us to make our own way, just as we always have. After all, if we are such a great, individualistic generation, we shouldn’t need the approval of corporate America. I realize there are those, both young and old, who are not especially tech savvy. I know a lot of them. Most of them think I am some kind of technological genius or a witch because I can make my computer do such magical things. So the issue then becomes, how do we get employers to see each and every applicant as an individual, instead of categorizing us all, based on their observations of a few? That, and how do we get so-called job search experts to stop condoning their behavior? That is the real question…